It's so hard to love a child and see them in so much pain. That's what I see when I look at Kristi and listen to her. Where is that little girl that was so full of life and love? Where is that teenager who had so many friends...was well liked...was full of confidence and sunshine and loved taking care of people? Where is the young woman who couldn't wait to have children and studied in order to teach children? What happened to that person? Instead I see a woman in pain...who goes through the motions of parenting, who pretends to be a loving daughter, who is brittle and looks stressed at all times. I see someone who goes through the motions of living but doesn't enjoy her life.
It's true that I do not support her life's choices. What she doesn't understand is that I don't turn my shoulder because she has chosen to be in a relationship with another woman....I turn my shoulder because she is so unhappy in this relationship. Her choice in partner does not empower her...she weakens Kris and makes her dependent upon her. Her choice does not make Kristi's face glow with happiness and assurance...instead my child's face is drawn, etched with worry lines and pulled downward with the dissatisfaction with her everyday life. Why would I embrace someone who does this to my child?
Does Kris love her children? Yes, but not the way so loved them when she chose to have them. Now she loves them because she is their mother but they are an impediment to what she thinks she wants so there is an underlying resentment towards them also. Do they feel it? Oh yes. But, like all children, they love their mother and support and protect her. Does she realize what a gift that is?
I will accept anyone in Kristi's life that is good to her and for her. I will know...it won't be because that person fits the image of what I would like for my daughter, but because my daughter's face will radiate with love, she will stand tall because that person empowers her to be the best she can be, she will feel confident in the decisions she makes, she will no longer feel betrayed by Jeff and angry at him because she will be over him and on to a new life. At that point I will rejoice that Kris has found a partner that enhances her life.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Choices
It's so hard to love a child and see them in so much pain. That's what I see when I look at Kristi and listen to her. Where is that little girl that was so full of life and love? Where is that teenager who had so many friends...was well liked...was full of confidence and sunshine and loved taking care of people? Where is the young woman who couldn't wait to have children and studied in order to teach children? What happened to that person? Instead I see a woman in pain...who goes through the motions of parenting, who pretends to be a loving daughter, who is brittle and looks stressed at all times. I see someone who goes through the motions of living but doesn't enjoy her life.
It's true that I do not support her life's choices. What she doesn't understand is that I don't turn my shoulder because she has chosen to be in a relationship with another woman....I turn my shoulder because she is so unhappy in this relationship. Her choice in partner does not empower her...she weakens Kris and makes her dependent upon her. Her choice does not make Kristi's face glow with happiness and assurance...instead my child's face is drawn, etched with worry lines and pulled downward with the dissatisfaction with her everyday life. Why would I embrace someone who does this to my child?
Does Kris love her children? Yes, but not the way so loved them when she chose to have them. Now she loves them because she is their mother but they are an impediment to what she thinks she wants so there is an underlying resentment towards them also. Do they feel it? Oh yes. But, like all children, they love their mother and support and protect her. Does she realize what a gift that is?
I will accept anyone in Kristi's life that is good to her and for her. I will know...it won't be because that person fits the image of what I would like for my daughter, but because my daughter's face will radiate with love, she will stand tall because that person empowers her to be the best she can be, she will feel confident in the decisions she makes, she will no longer feel betrayed by Jeff and angry at him because she will be over him and on to a new life. At that point I will rejoice that Kris has found a partner that enhances her life.
It's true that I do not support her life's choices. What she doesn't understand is that I don't turn my shoulder because she has chosen to be in a relationship with another woman....I turn my shoulder because she is so unhappy in this relationship. Her choice in partner does not empower her...she weakens Kris and makes her dependent upon her. Her choice does not make Kristi's face glow with happiness and assurance...instead my child's face is drawn, etched with worry lines and pulled downward with the dissatisfaction with her everyday life. Why would I embrace someone who does this to my child?
Does Kris love her children? Yes, but not the way so loved them when she chose to have them. Now she loves them because she is their mother but they are an impediment to what she thinks she wants so there is an underlying resentment towards them also. Do they feel it? Oh yes. But, like all children, they love their mother and support and protect her. Does she realize what a gift that is?
I will accept anyone in Kristi's life that is good to her and for her. I will know...it won't be because that person fits the image of what I would like for my daughter, but because my daughter's face will radiate with love, she will stand tall because that person empowers her to be the best she can be, she will feel confident in the decisions she makes, she will no longer feel betrayed by Jeff and angry at him because she will be over him and on to a new life. At that point I will rejoice that Kris has found a partner that enhances her life.
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